Suicidal Intentions
by Amaya-Oneesama
Summary: Kagome is tired of InuYasha’s constant neglect towards her feelings and is tired of her life. Because of her trips to the feudal era, she can’t go to a good college, meaning no future. But what would happen if she tried to kill herself? IKag 1st perso
1. A Journey Begins

**Suicidal Intentions**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own InuYasha, but I will when I become world dictator.

**Summary:** Kagome is tired of InuYasha's constant neglect towards her feelings and is tired of her life. Because of her trips to the feudal era, she can't go to a good college, meaning no future. But what would happen if she tried to kill herself? I/Kag 1st person narrative.

**Author's Notes:** Okay! I'm back! I'm taking a vacation from _TQFL_ because I have absolutely NO inspiration for it right now. I will **try** to update this every Friday, but forgive me if I don't....what with school and going to my Dad's. I'm very sad to say that I am actually doing a fic with this theme. It's been done so many times! I'll try to make it a little different, though! Enjoy! If you would like a chapter dedicated to you, review and tell me why I should dedicate it to you. There can be more than one person per chapter, depending on how many I have.

**Chapter Dedication: None this time**

_3:00, Present Day Japan, Higurashi Shrine_

I am up to my EARS in homework! It is going to take me FOREVER just to catch up! I'm going to be stuck in high school until I am 50! And as if my schoolwork wasn't enough, I just have to go back to the feudal era. I suppose it is worth it, though. I mean, I get to see InuYasha, and that counts for something. Right?

"Mom! I'm home!" I walked into the kitchen and deposited my books on the table with a loud _thump_.

"Kagome, do be a dear and bring me a glass of water." I got the water and followed the source to the living room where my mom was watching _Dirty Dancing_ on DVD.

"Gee, mom. Don't ask how my day was or anything."

"Sorry, Kagome, but this is my favorite part! You know that." I looked at the screen and saw the infamous Patrick Swayze nose-crinkle.

"It's so nice to have you home, dear. But, just out of my own curiosity, when are you going back?"

"Curiosity killed the cat, Mom. Remember that." I walked up the steps to my bathroom and started to run the water, all the while thinking about my last fight with InuYasha. It was over something silly and I swore I wasn't coming back until he got me. That was all I could remember. But, knowing InuYasha, that would take forever.

I got into the nice, warm tub and poured in my strawberry scented bubble bath. After the tepid water had coaxed my body into relaxation, I pulled myself out of the tub and reached down to drain it. I then wrapped my favorite pink terrycloth towel around my body, to shield it from the cold and my family, and headed to my room to get dressed.

I got to my room and closed the door behind me, only to find a sullen looking InuYasha sitting cross-legged on my bed.

"What do you want?" My tone was sour, but, it should be. After all the hell he put me through, I should be mad. He made me go to school, only to be put through my friends' third degree.

"Feh. Stupid wench, I came here to get you."

"Well, InuYasha, that's not how you usually apologize, is it?"

"It is for me. Now get going. We have shards to collect."

"I'll come back when I'm ready. I have schoolwork to do!"

"So do it when you get back!"  
"But I'll have even more by then!" And then it happened. The puppy dog pout. InuYasha put on a pathetic little face, which made me, of course, melt into a puddle of goo. But what made me even less resistant to it was the fact that InuYasha was half dog.

"Please..."

"Alright, fine." How did he always know my weaknesses? Like his ears, oh those ears! But that's another story.

"Give me five minutes to get ready." InuYasha then ran through my door downstairs. I could hear him asking my mom for some ramen and Souta shouting that his hero had come back.

I sighed and began to pack.

_10 minutes later..._

I was back in the feudal era again. Whoop de doo... I'm getting so tired of leading this double life. But I absolutely CANNOT tell my friends. They would go totally psycho and then the whole school would know.

I gave a sigh, causing InuYasha to look back at me, confusion apparent in his eyes.

"What's your problem, wench?"

"Sit."

THUD!!! InuYasha did a face plant into the ground. You think he would have learned by now, but no, he had to go and call me "wench" again.

"Oi, what the hell was that for?"

"I have a name. Use it." When he used that name, I felt so...unloved. I mean, I know that he loves Kikyo, but when he used that term for me, it made me think that he did not know my name. After all the times I had been there for him. But, alas, I am only a shard detector to him.

So, here I am again, walking along the small dirt path to Kaede-san's village. This is, in fact, the only good part of these visits to Feudal Japan. I get to see my real friends, then we get dragged into searching for shards and battling demons.

I walked into Kaede-san's hut and a little ball of fluff jumped into my arms, nearly knocking me over.

"Kagome-chan!!!!!!" Shippou jumped up and gave my neck a tight squeeze. I returned the hug the little kitsune gave to me.

"Hello Sango-chan, Houshi-sama."

"Lady Kagome. How good to see you again."

"Kagome-chan!" Miroku and Sango both came up to greet me. I welcomed Sango-chan's embrace willingly, but backed away from Miroku. I knew of his intentions to feel me up.

During this small period of time, InuYasha walked in, totally covered in dirt.

"InuYasha, why are you covered in dirt?" Shippou's question caused us to all look at my favorite hanyou. The kitsune was correct in his observation. InuYasha was covered from head to foot in mud. Can you say ewww???

"Well, I only said the 's' word and he does not usually get this dirty," I chuckled. It was quite funny, actually.

"YOU SAT ME AFTER IT POURED THE RAIN!!!!!" It was pathetic. Here was InuYasha, the oh-so-strong hanyou, mad about some dirt. Ha. That ought to teach him!

"If you do not want it to happen again, then stop calling me 'wench.'" I smiled at him affectionately, seeing as he looked in a forgiving mood. "Besides, you cannot blame me for wanting to have some fun."

"Feh." That was all he said before making his dramatic exit towards the springs.

_6:30, Feudal Era, hot springs_

I sighed dramatically and lowered myself into the steaming water of the hot spring. InuYasha had long since come back from his rinse-off and he was still ignoring me. I swear I did not mean to make him that dirty...Ok, well, maybe I did, but he called me a wench! He definitely deserved it!

"Sango-chan, what am I going to do?" I asked the older woman. Bath time was our favorite time of the day (mostly because the boys weren't around and we could share our innermost thoughts). Miroku sure had a habit of showing up "by accident" though.

"About what, Kagome-chan?"

"It is InuYasha," I replied while biting my lip. "I mean, there is, like, this...feeling that kinda runs deep through my soul. And all it focuses on is him. Then, he gets that far away look in his eyes when Kikyou is mentioned. And he's always sneaking around behind my back in order to go see her. That feeling just wraps around my heart like a ribbon and squeezes like there's no tomorrow. And it hurts, Sango-chan. It hurts." Tears were streaming down my face by now.

"I am so sorry, Kagome-chan. InuYasha's an obnoxious jerk. We all know that."

"But, it is starting to worry me. I, I...Sango-chan, I think I love him. No, wait, I know I love him."

"If it helps you any, Kagome-chan, I know that InuYasha has feelings for you, too. Possibly love. You have been there with him through thick and thin, bad and good. Who was the one who released him from the tree?"

"I did."

"And who was the person who traveled with him before you met Miroku-houshi, Shippou-chan, and myself?"

"That was me as well. But, Sango-chan-," Sango-chan cut me off before I could say anything else. She is definitely a talker.

"Who does he owe his life, his soul, and all of himself to?"

"To me."

"Trust me, Kagome-chan. InuYasha loves you. He just does not show it the way most would. If he did not care for you, then why would he have kept you around? He could easily join up with Kikyou or some other miko rather than stay with you. Think of how jealous he gets when Kouga so much as looks at you. Why would he do that if he did not feel affection for you?"

"Sango-chan," I began, my voice shaky. "If he loved me he would show it. I am beginning to think the whole thing with Kouga-kun is just a charade. In fact, I think this whole thing is an act just to keep me around because of the shards. He does need me for the Shikon no tama shards, Sango-chan. Kikyou wants to kill him and he does not know any other mikos."

"Kagome-chan! Do not say such things! He **needs** you here. You are his hope, his guiding light, his faith!"

"It is useless. Sometimes I do not know why I even bother. I am just sick of it all." I had just gained control of myself, but my eyes were, once again, threatening tears.

"Ka-" Sango-chan's answer was cut short by a rustle coming from the bushes. Wide eyed, I whipped my head around. Does he always have to be such a pervert?!

"Sango-chan," I whispered. "Do you think he heard everything?" I cast my eyes down at the water and looked at my reflection. My eyes were red and puffy; it was obvious I had been crying. InuYasha certainly would have smelled the salt tainted air by now.

Great. Just great. Now he can feed me some more bullshit about how he hates to see me cry. I hate it when he feeds me those lies. If he honestly abhorred the tears that poured from my eyes like liquid rain, then he would not go see Kikyou. He would not embrace her, kiss her, or drift through the days after one of their rendezvous in a dreamlike trance.

I let out an exasperated sigh and turned to Sango-chan.

"Well, I might as well go see what I am in for." Sango-chan merely nodded and moved to follow me as I hauled my soaking body out into the cool night air. I shivered as night's cold hands wrapped around me, chilling my skin. I wish I had brought some warmer clothes; I only have my school uniform with me. The provided outfit does not cover much flesh, but I like the breezy, calm nights in the Feudal Era. Unfortunately, my peace would soon be shattered. I would have to face InuYasha, and it might as well be sooner than later.

**Author's Notes: **Given, this chapter is not very long, but I am trying to make my chapters longer. If you have read _TQFL_, then you know that my chapters have a tendency to be short. Whereas I think I am writing a lot, I am, in reality, not writing that much at all. I do think my creative writing class has helped to invoke my creativity some more, and if you agree, then you will be a doll and click that little button that says review.

_**REVIEW IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE MORE OF THIS STORY!**_


	2. Encounters Within a Dark Forest

**Suicidal** **Intentions**

**Section 2: Wishes**

**Disclaimer:** In your ear with a bottle of beer…

**Author's Notes:** Finally! I know what you are all thinking. If you bothered to read my profile, you would have seen that Word is not on my computer anymore. Strange, ne? Well, I can finally post, but before I get on with the story, there's something I need to say. Guys, I write fanfiction for fun, as a hobby. It's something pleasant for me to do when I want to get some feelings out or something. I post as soon as I can, but, due to the AP classes I must take this year, I rarely have time to post a new chapter. Please be patient with me. I'm really trying hard!

..

_8:00 p.m., Feudal Era, the Goshinboku_

The restless wind stirred through the trees, whispering its secrets to me as it passed. It had seen things. Things I had never dreamed of seeing, things I never wanted to hear of. Murder, rape, and demons. Demons. Both the bane and boon of my existence. I sighed, pulling my arms around me tighter as the chilling breeze swept by me once again. The gentle rustling of the trees soothed me somewhat, and I was unable to hear the approaching figure until it was upon me.

"Hey." Inuyasha fell out of the tree, only to plop on the ground beside me. "You okay?"

My heart wanted to tell the truth, but my mouth had a mind of its own, you see. _No, I'm not._ "Yeah."

"Are you sure," a perplexed frown crossed his features, "You've been crying."

"I'm fine, Inuyasha. Really." And, lo, the circle starts again. He begins to show compassion, yet I brush it off and bury my feelings within my subconscious, giving him reason to ignore it while I sit idly by and cheer him and Kikyou on. Am I really that selfless of a person, to simply hand over my soul mate without a fight? Or am I just stupid?

I opt for the latter. I mean, he's sitting right here, in front of me! Yet, it's so hard to overcome the nervousness that pervades my soul. I feel anxious and fluttery near him. Well, when he's like this, peaceful, calm, not persisting in his name-calling. So, I simply reached for his hand and held it in my own, comforted at having the warmth for at least a little while. If only I'd known what was to come, I could have prevented my own demise.

..

_Midnight, Feudal Era, Kaede's Hut_

The rustling of the bamboo door covering woke me from my fitful sleep. Sitting up, I rubbed my bleary eyes, freeing them from the last remnants of sleep. I glanced around, my eyes straining against the darkness in an attempt to see what was going on. Finally it dawned on me. Inuyasha was gone.

I stole out of my futon and, being careful not to wake the others, crept out into the star filled sky. That's the thing about this era. The stars are so powerful; they seem to peer into your very soul. They are so much brighter than those that fill the polluted sky back at my home. Anyway, Heaven's beacons lit the path that the hanyou had taken before me.

I tried to be as quiet as a mouse, I really did. But, those stupid twigs just get in your way and they emit a loud cracking sound as your foot falls upon them. It's strange how that always seems to happen when you are attempting to be silent. Twice I was made to stop by this as Inuyasha turned around. However, he disregarded it as a squirrel or some other typical fuzzy animal.

As my poor aching feet were becoming wearier, I sensed a tremendous power coming from up ahead. And, lo and behold, someone had cast a barrier. Inuyasha slipped past it and I would have been trapped alone outside, had my power not been so great. Since that is not the case, I was able to stroll inside the barrier without any difficulty.

The tricky part, however, comes here. Now, I have no doubt that Inuyasha felt at least a semblance of affection for me, but he really needed to stop creeping about in the middle of the night, rendezvousing with Kikyou. You think Kikyou would have sensed that I was there, but I believe she just liked to torture me. She held my heart in her hands, like Naraku held Kagura's, and she relished in the wrenching it and dangling it in front of me like a piece of meat.

So why did I play this cat-and-mouse game? Well, as I said earlier, I am an idiot.

Inuyasha stopped suddenly in front of Kikyou and she moved to embrace him. Well, she went about it with no more grace than a cow, but it did look particularly lustful. She practically fell into his arms. Actually, fell at his feet was more like it.

I listened as Inuyasha spewed words of love, words I'd longed to hear for so long, into her ears. I watched as she devoured them, acting as though she truly loved him as well. I watched as she kissed him, as he kissed her back. When Passion, that destroyer of so many happy and innocent men, took hold, I left with the heaviest of hearts.

**Author's Ending Notes: **Guys, I know that this is very short, but it's almost one in the morning and I have to get up early tomorrow for gymnastics. So, enjoy this and I will have another (and, hopefully, longer) chapter up as soon as I can. Okay?

**Please read and review if you want this to continue…**


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